I am officially drained.   My eyes are soo tired, along with my whole body.  That guy i like has not talked to me today. Can you say "used and abused?" That is what i feel like right now.  I got a lot accomplished today for the most part.   Starting to feel kinda empty though. Can you blame me? I am not going to text/call him until he calls me first. I want to be pursued. I used to be pursued then i gave myself to him.  Yes i know i am dumb.  I need to be happy with myself and not what others can give me.  I would be happier if this week was not so stressful. But, of course it is.   

im gonna take the time to write to god,

God,

  obviously you know i have a lot on my heart right now.  I am pretty much at my breaking point.  And the worse thing is, is that im not doing anything to stop it.  Why do i turn to things of this world to make me happy? I know you can satisfy me. So please satisfy me.  Let me not seek after guys affection or a beautiful body for happiness. But let me seek you, I want to fall in love with you.  And i want to think of you throughout the day, and not a guy.  They will fail me but you wont. Thank you for listening.  God wash me of my sins and please forgive me for all the things i have done against you. I am sorry and i want to be renewed and live for you.  I want that spot in heaven.  I love you lord